in my head : culture vulture - orson

" baby why you looking so broken hearted . . "

my mum and i have never really seen eye to eye when it comes to relationships . she firmly believes that when you enter a relationship with someone , he should be the one ( or at least very close to your ideal one ) . i thought that relationships were just for necking and having someone to hold hands with ! lately though i'm beginning to understand where she's coming from .

at fourteen , when everyone around me rushed to meet their knights in white under the overhead bridge , i was happy to hop onto a bus to parkway parade ( sans boyfriend / girlfriend ) to meet my mum . i never pined for someone with which i could buy matching tees or hold hands with .

at fifteen , my girlfriends all seemed to turn up in school with swollen eyes because " he said he didn't love me anymore . " then there was the completely dramatic day where it was pouring and my aunt arrived in a cab , crying her eyes out and ran straight for my poh poh's room and shut the door . ten minutes later we saw a very angry ( read : glazed eyes , red face , the works ) uncle pounding on the door . thirty seconds after my dad rushed us kids all upstairs , switched on the tele and warned me to not let anyone down . straight out of a movie i tell you .

at sixteen , it seemed straight out of a fairytale .
at nineteen , it crashed and burned .
at twenty , i'm officially confused .

why am i wasting time investing energy and effort to build a relationship with someone i don't at least think will stick around long enough to experience my first ( of many i'm sure ) mid life crisis ? instead i could be spending time building deeper relationships with the handful of friends who will be around when i have my first meltdown . it does make sense , i think .

i refuse to settle for anything less than what my parents have . my parents are best friends , partners , equals , lovers . their relationship is one built on honesty , trust , respect , love .

i am still relatively adverse to the idea of marriage and forever ; but sometimes when everything is just right and it's all good , forever doesn't seem nearly long enough .

last night was . . weird . we all need more chocolate banana cake ( awfully chocolate ) , carrot cake ( chomp chomp ) and a good night out .







xoxoxoxoxo ,
soho .